Book Thoughts: (Song Edition) Withdrawals by Tom MacDonald

Tom MacDonald released another music video. Normally, I’d wait till next week for another Tom MacDonald Friday, cause as Tom says that’s his day, but I want to get Withdrawals out now. Let’s get this amazing, and emotional, song trending on YouTube. Click the video link below to of course give the video a watch before getting into my breakdown. Let’s get going. 

Withdrawals Music Video

The doctor said to talk to him

If I wanted to get off my meds

But I never called his office in

Poured the bottle in the garbage can

I'm stuck in this apartment and

I'm anxious like the cops are here

I tried to call, like, all my friends

And none of them are answering

Let me start off by saying that I have never personally dealt with addiction before.  However, I have know people close to me who have.  So, I just wanted to put that out there that these are my own personal feelings and opinions of someone who hasn't suffered addiction, but has dealt with some mental illness issues.  

In this first verse we see Tom talking about how he had to go through this period in his life by himself.  Of course I can't know for certain, but it sounds like the doctors (and meds they were giving him) weren't helping so he threw them out.  "I tried to call, like, all my friends and none of them are answering."  This line is one in this song that I can relate to most.  When you are in the midst of the days that are the hardest there either is no one there, or it feels that way.  When you need someone to have your back, it always seems to be the hardest time to find someone to just pick up the phone and talk.  

Is this the moment where I can't control it?

Got no appetite, I guess the party's over

I can't sleep at night, and I keep rolling over

'Cause my skin is itchy and the paranoia

Got me worried, sick, and it is so annoying

I been throwing up, it looked like motor oil

But I chosе to quit, and now I can't avoid it

The right things to do are the hardеst choices

Is this the moment when I need a donor?

Liver failing from the liquor pouring

All the room is spinning, it ain't vodka, soda

What is almost killing me is being sober

This verse is very powerful.  We get to see a very personal and private look into the hardest part of his getting sober.  Tom doesn't gloss over the horrible aspects of withdrawal that he went through.  The hardest hitting part of the whole verse though is when he says that all of this doesn't just feel like it's killing him, it very well could (as going through withdrawal can kill you), but that it's being sober that is causing him all of this physical and mental pain, "All the room is spinning, it ain't vodka, soda, what is almost killing me is being sober."  The whole idea that once you kick the addiction everything will be sunshine and roses really is just that, a dream (an idea).  There is more suffering, and pain, through the act of getting clean.

Talk about pitfalls, surrounded by brick walls

This is what kids call

Withdrawals

Deleted every number from my phone, I'm staying home

Really wish that I was drunk with all my friends

I'm gonna beat it or I won't and overdose

Really wish that I was high with all my friends

The chorus gives us a bit of a look at the thoughts in Tom's head as he was struggling  with the effects of withdrawal.  First he says that he wishes "that I was drunk with all my friends," and than "with that I was high with all my friends."   While the end product of getting sober is why he's putting himself through the pain of it, but in the moment the easiest way to stop the suffering is to join everyone else who is still getting wasted.  Tom even says that there are only two ways through, "beat it or I won't and overdose."  I know I'm not the only one who is beyond grateful that he made it through to inspire millions with the music he makes. 

Never care for therapist

My arrogance embarrassing

It isn't fair the terror this

Addiction placed my parents in

I'm scared repair will never fix

The voluntary negligence

The wear and tear my errors did

They almost had to bury me

Here we have Tom talking about more than just what this does on himself, but on the people who loves him most.  His family.  He recognizes that his addiction doesn't just ruin his life, but the lives of your family.  Talking about his parents he says, "They almost had to bury me."  This is something that Tom has put in his songs in before.  Acknowledging that something this horrible effects everyone, and not just yourself.  Especially if you lose the battle.

Is this the moment where I screw up and relapse?

Waste all my money on rehab

Can't take a pill from the doctor to relax

Lash out in anger whenever I react

Feel like a weak man, I don't wanna be that

Living every day to get a buzz on the weekend

I'm in the deep end, fighting with demons

Tryna stay clean, I just really need a reason

My bones are shaking and my hands and feet

I see my rib cage, but I can't eat

I still wake up panicking, so I can't sleep

I just sit in the bathtub and try to breathe

Here Tom is talking about struggles of not just getting clean but staying clean.  He talks about being irritable and lashing out at the people around him.  The reasons to stay clean seem to be hard to find when coupled with everything he's going through.  Unable to sleep, to eat, to think it seem so overwhelming.  I can't even imagine what he, and others, might have gone through while struggling with this.  

Talk about pitfalls, surrounded by brick walls

This is what kids call

Withdrawals

Deleted every number from my phone, I'm staying home

Really wish that I was drunk with all my friends

I'm gonna beat it or I won't and overdose

Really wish that I was high with all my friends

I've never felt this bad before

I don't know if I'll make it

Don't have the strength to get off the floor right now

But I'm hoping and praying

My whole life I wanted more

This might be the end

But now I've had too much fun, it's over now

I loved what I hated

"I never felt this bad before." I find this to be an interesting line (saying that, I find it completely believable).  He's saying this is as bad as he has felt.  Does this include the realization that the addiction could kill you?  The physical, mental, and emotional struggle all at once is truly the scariest thing that I would never really want to go through.

Deleted every number from my phone, I'm staying home

Really wish that I was drunk with all my friends

I'm gonna beat it or I won't and overdose

Really wish that I was high with all my friends

Deleted every number from my phone, I'm staying home

Really wish that I was drunk with all my friends

I'm gonna beat it or I won't and overdose

Really wish that I was high with all my friends

That's it for the song.  I just want to wrap it up by saying if you haven't watched the video scroll back to the top and watch it.  I've said this before, and I'll say it again, but the videos always back an added punch to all of Tom's songs (especially the emotional ones).  Watch it, because I truly believe that this isn't an act. I think that writing this song, and filming this video, caused the emotional reaction that you see in the video.  Tom literally in tears.  Some artists I wouldn't really believe, but with Tom I find him to be truly authentic.  

If you have his Flowers for the Dead album there is a song called Naz, which is about his dog dying while at the vet.  However, his dog made a miraculous resurrection and is doing great.  In this song you can literally hear the pain and tears breaking through his voice as he's writing about this horrible moment of nearly losing his dog.  That song literally made my mother cry.

All right everyone, that's it for this special installment of this series.  Going forward I will post one song each Friday.  Let me know what you thought in the comment section down below.

Other Tom MacDonald reviews 

Don’t Look Down

Dear Slim

Till Next Time Friends,

Words by Ali